Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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