Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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