Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
