if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
