yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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