you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
