He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
