Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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