I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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