I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
