rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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