Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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