No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's the barista slut.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
