I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
