NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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