i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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