So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well you can't waste a boner
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
