you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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