well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
