hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
