3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
