I cockslap morals
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
