i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
