My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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