My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
