I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
