just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
