The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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