Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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