I can text with my tongue
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
