Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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