Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you win again, gameday.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
