Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
