I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
