Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
