I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
