i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
