I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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