I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
