The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
