Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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