I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
