we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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