Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
