So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
are you so shy because you have an std?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
