i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
