i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
