New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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