Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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