Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
