I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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