somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
vagina is talking i cant
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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