the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
