Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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