So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
