he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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