Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
