I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
