I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
