Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
