So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist