have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
