I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE