dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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