Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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  (313): Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical. http://tfl.nu/9qp0
  Replies (2) Good night (979) Bad night (1177)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.

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  (314): sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke. http://tfl.nu/stms
  Replies (15) Good night (4362) Bad night (530)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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  (518): He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/dgde
  Replies (15) Good night (682) Bad night (3311)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

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  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (1188) Bad night (5132)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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  (519): dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes http://tfl.nu/xjd2
  Replies (61) Good night (6361) Bad night (1194)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?

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  (307): you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right? http://tfl.nu/h1i3
  Replies (7) Good night (4308) Bad night (1319)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3533) Bad night (5361)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze

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  (912): Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze http://tfl.nu/0gjr
  Replies (13) Good night (4713) Bad night (1488)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life

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  (201): just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life http://tfl.nu/grtz
  Replies (6) Good night (2712) Bad night (1021)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne

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  (904): Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne http://tfl.nu/4m6j
  Replies (5) Good night (1348) Bad night (766)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.

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  (937): I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hc91
  Replies (27) Good night (2676) Bad night (715)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.

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  (806): We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish. http://tfl.nu/et7p
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (551)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.

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  (770): I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby. http://tfl.nu/say7
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (408)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands

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  (440): If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands http://tfl.nu/oo81
  Replies (0) Good night (663) Bad night (336)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.

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  (717): I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay. http://tfl.nu/7e5w
  Replies (6) Good night (391) Bad night (218)

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