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I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
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