Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.

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(818): View more from California

I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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(618): View more from Illinois

I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.

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(937): View more from Ohio

They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE

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