i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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