she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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