i can't believe i had my finger in that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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